r a m b l e

i never get to blog anything fun anymore ): i have been SO busy and sick and now jack is sick and phil is gone - life feels very overwhelming at the moment - a lot of it is GOOD stuff but it is a LOT of stuff (:

work has been unbelievably busy. i am working on several new projects at once in addition to the huge meeting i have every year in june and another fairly large and long meeting in july - i have also been working so hard trying to get things set up for my business. a few years ago i did all the basic stuff like apply for state license etc etc and got a bank account - but now i am doing stuff like letterhead, website, merchant account, online credit card processing (which is a nightmare!!!), getting insurance, applying for accreditations that ask for your life history and more - YIKES!!!! it has been super busy around here and i haven’t even had that much babysitting because i have been using up babysitting time to go to orthodontist appointments and doctors appointments etc etc….

speaking of orthodontist….i am HOPING to get these braces off really soon - i had a lot of work done yesterday (ouch) that is considered finalization work - they put this really ugly criss cross band across my top teeth and put a chain over it along with rubber bands i have to wear to line up my top and bottom teeth - i appreciate the perfectionism of my orthodontist but i keep hearing “next month” and then it is another month because something isn’t perfect. if they aren’t done by the time i am in stacy’s wedding in june they are coming OFF - i am not birthing another child wearing braces (:

speaking of another child - we had our first official baby appointment this week - it was so cool to see the baby at 10 weeks - last time we saw jack at 8 weeks and the difference was amazing - this actually looks like a baby and it was moving its arms and legs all over the place - you could see the little heart beating super fast - everything looks good and i am more than 25% done with this pregnancy. (: sure doesn’t feel like it - it feels like i will be pregnant forever - i am starting to be able to eat a bit more, though certainly nothing very healthy for me or the baby - i can’t WAIT until 12-13 weeks when i get some relief (hopefully) from this constant nausea and tiredness…..and we were going to try to be surprised but who was i kidding? i am the biggest planner in the world and i have to know what it is - so if they baby cooperates we should find out in about 10 weeks!

phil is gone for the weekend golfing with friends - it is a much deserved trip for him - he has been working SO hard around here taking care of me and jack and the house - it is the first time i have ever really been totally on my own for a weekend with jack - and normally it would be fine but jackson is sick with a fever and who knows what and i have been SO busy with work and also feeling pretty icky - so far we have made it through half of friday - jack just woke up from a nap and it sounds like a fever cry - “mama, mama” so i am going to call the doctor and hopefully get him in this afternoon. guess that means we both will have to change out of our pj’s (:

today i drove my car for the first time in three weeks!!! yes, three weeks! i have left the house, i went to the doctor in ronni’s car last week - but other than that i have been home THAT LONG! and i wouldn’t call today’s drive a huge feat - i drove about 8 houses down our street for dinner because we forgot jack’s booster chair! (: the car actually smelled like a new car again when i got in - the bright side of this is that i haven’t spent any money on gas and i haven’t spent any money - when i go places (target, babiesrus, the mall) money just seems to get spent on things we just seem to need - when i am house bound my spending is limited - though i am about to order some new keens online - shhhhhh don’t tell phil (:

being 30 has not been great. since my birthday i have been sick, sicker, and sicker, and sicker…..you get the point. the great part about being 30 is that we are expecting our second baby - which was a total surprise and very exciting news (: we found out really early and the first few weeks i felt great! (still 29) - i was hoping for a totally different experience than the awful all-day sickness i had with jackson - but at the 6 week mark (read, when i turned 30) it all went downhill. i have been super sick with what people (what people?) refer to as morning sickness but in my case is 24 hours a day sickness - after about 2.5 weeks of this getting progressively worse i was starting to feel like a real wimp. i was in bed immediately after phil got home from work every day, spending more and more of my time with jackson laying on his playroom floor letting him run around me and do puzzles and books - along with the nausea i had a LOT of chills and just random things that i chalked up to pregnancy side effects -

on wednesday night during small group i had a fever and chills (was hiding in my room while everyone was here) and i had phil send eva in - thank goodness she came in because she told me that she did not think all the symptoms i had were normal for pregnancy - by the next morning i had been up all night with a fever and couldn’t wait to get to the doctor - thankfully ronni and elle came over to take care of jack until my mother-in-law arrived. she was coming to watch jackson because i was finally going to take a trip to connecticut to see AMY!!! (guess who is still in michigan as i write this?) ronni took me to the doctor and they told me i had a kidney infection - on friday i was only .5 degrees away from being admitted to the hospital - on one hand i was so happy because i am super scared of needles, ivs, and generally hate hospitals - on the other hand i felt SO awful that i kinda wished i could have gone in just for the faster IV antibiotics. but i got sent home with huge horse pills that smell (and taste) like fertilizer with a stern warning that if i throw any of them up its off to St. Joe for me……that has been fun every 6 hours.

my fever lasted through saturday morning (from wednesday evening) even with the antibiotics - but now it is gone. i haven’t been able to eat much - everything sounds awful which i can’t tell is from the baby or from all the medicines i am taking (tylenol for fever, zofran for nausea, antibiotics for infection….) or just because i haven’t eaten much in general the past few weeks. poor phil has been up with me at night when i have had chills, needed medicines, asked for food (yes, in the middle of the night) and he has been running the house - cleaning, cooking, laundry, taking care of jack! luckily we have had lots of help from good friends and family with dinners and picking up things we need. phils mom was here thursday-saturday and my parents were out all day saturday and helped clean and take care of jack -

so today was supposed to be the day that i felt better - phil has to go back to work tomorrow and i am supposed to be able to take care of an energetic 1.5 year old all day by myself….but this morning i woke up with a rash - nice. we called the doctor right before phil and jack left for church and she said it was probably a reaction to the antibiotic but ALSO could be hand, foot, and mouth -so 10 minutes before church we realized phil couldn’t take jackson just in case it was hfm because he would be contagious for all the other kids - so poor phil had to call around and get stuff that he was supposed to do at church (announcements, multimedia) covered for him - i had to get take benedryl (i am sick of PILLS) and it worked a bit -i don’t think i have hand, foot, and mouth cause i have no other symptoms - but every day seems to bring something new and equally upsetting - i am NOT looking forward to this next week at home feeling miserable and i am so bummed about missing my trip to connecticut. so anyways i haven’t been blogging or doing much of anything - today i have a lot of work to do so hopefully the computer set-up in my bed here works out. hopefully the next post will be a brighter one!

i had a great day today - even though i turned the big 3-0. i got tons of phone calls and voice mails from friends, lots of mail, flowers, fun little thoughtful gifts, and my sweet husband surprised me by taking the morning off work and getting a babysitter so we could go out for a few hours and go to lunch! it was the best surprise!!! i had a few special visitors later in the day and was made birthday dinner to order by ronni (: just put my sweet baby boy to bed (who gave me 4 big birthday kisses to wake me up this morning) and now am going to have some oreo cookie ice cream dessert that the vanbemmelens dropped off for me- my very favorite dessert! i feel very loved today!!!!

i am in sunny palm springs (CA) right now for work - it is one of the most beautiful places i have ever been - stepping off the plane to the semi-outdoor airport all you can see are mountains and blue skies - it is so amazing! i got here monday morning (after a weekend of being sick and a long travel day where i almost missed my plane) and have really been able to enjoy the beautiful weather and the view - our hotel has a nice pool where you look out on the mountains - we have been bringing work out there during the days…..we took a trip to the resort where we are having the june conference yesterday…it was AWESOME! we just missed jessica simpson and tony romo (darn) - they have a lazy river, water slides, sandy beach pool - the rooms are really nice with gorgeous views and we had a really great meeting with the hotel staff. i am looking forward to working with them for the next few months!

one of the local partners took us to an awesome mexican restaurant last night where i had the BEST guacamole and the food was awesome - it has been a nice change of pace from the cold never-ending winter back home. i miss phil and jack a LOT and can’t wait to see them - jackson is doing great, talking to me on the phone making all his animal sounds for me and giving the phone kisses! the time change is weird because he is in bed now (or soon) and it is only 4 here -  i have not adjusted well to the time change -up at 4 every morning!

been thinking a lot about technology lately - the “media fast” really more of a way for me to be really intentional about what “needs” to be done and doesn’t. i don’t need to check my google reader every hour to see if someone has updated a blog - nor do i need to check my e-mail constantly and read top stories on the web or research car seat safety for 2 hours - i don’t need to watch everything on the dvr - i don’t want these type of things to create a sense of urgency/anxiety that takes away from the holiness god infuses little moments throughout the day with - they are so easy to miss. i don’t want to feel like i would rather check blogs than read and spend time in prayer - but when things get habitual it is easy to fall into the trap that those things (blogs, tv, emails) are more fulfilling, more relaxing even, more necessary than just being quiet and still - or even having conversations with people on the phone, reading a magazine, taking a walk….so from time to time lately i feel god nudging me to be really wise about how i am ordering my days…

in case anyone misses my blog comments (????) i wanted to say i will be taking a little hiatus from checking blogs until easter - with some prompting from god i have decided to go on a little technology fast for the rest of lent - (tv, blog checking, etc) - it has only been a few days and already i am dying to know what is going on in the lives of my favorite bloggers!!! i will be catching up with everyone’s blog after easter!!! but hopefully not catching up on some of the tv i have taken to watching - i will be keeping lost, heroes, and friday night lights! everything else must GO!!!! i will be keeping up with jackson’s blog and possibly writing on my own (: we’ll see!!!

i was looking all over for my headband when julie happened to look over the balcony and see it, 6 stories down, laying at the bottom of the pool. after our walk and beach time on tuesday i just HAD to jump in and save it (: the water was even colder than yesterday and it was POURING rain!!

wednesday was cooler than the other days - but it was still sunny and a lot of fun to be on the beach (;

made sand angels, wrote messages in the sand, collected shells, went for a walk, and just enjoyed the beautiful ocean (: